Open-Ended Questions Are Easier To Answer Than Force-Response Questions. My Husband Wants to Separate But Says He Loves Me

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My Husband Wants to Separate But Says He Loves Me

I received an email yesterday from someone who explained that over the past few months, her husband has become distant and withdrawn from her. When she asked for an explanation, the husband initially assured her that he was just dealing with stress and that everything was fine, but nothing changed and the distance continued to grow.

Eventually, the husband finally began to admit that he “wasn’t feeling it anymore,” and “needed his space,” but he still wanted to stay together and take time to work on himself. Of course, the wife agreed, thinking it would be better than letting him walk out the door or get a divorce. However, even though he tried to reason with her, to show her more attention and affection, and to be as reassuring as possible, the situation still deteriorated.

Finally, one day he came home and said that he wanted to break up, but he wanted her to know that he still loved her. Of course, he was completely confused and lost. Aren’t these two things contradictory? How could he love her and not want to be with her at the same time?

A Confusing, Conflicting Message: Clearly, there was no way I could get inside her husband’s head, or grab him, shake him by the shoulders and demand a real answer. I can tell you that men ask for these “breaks” or “separation tests” for a variety of reasons. What makes it so confusing is that they often send you mixed signals or say contradictory things. They may say “I just don’t feel like it anymore,” or “I want to rest now,” or “I’m just not happy,” or still “It’s me, not you,” while holding and reassuring you, and expressing the their love and sometimes want to be close as if nothing happened.

Understand What Your Husband Really Says And How He Wants You To Respond: One thing you have to remember when you are dealing with this is that you probably know your husband better than anyone else in the world (except himself.)

Look at his nonverbal cues when he talks about these issues. Pay close attention to what is not said. Watch his lips, posture, eyes, and how he holds his arms. Are his lips pursed? Is his fist clenched?

All these things will point to you if he is angry, if he is confused, if he doubts what he is saying, or if he is sad or torn. Is his word spoken with conviction, force or doubt?

It is very important that you understand this well, because his true feelings are very important in how you approach him and try to solve them.

You should calmly ask your husband if he will share the events or feelings that lead to his desire to separate. (He may continue to run away.) You can ask some follow-up questions if you want but don’t interrupt him or continue if he doesn’t respond. Let your husband know that you are very much available if and when he wants to talk about it and leave it at that.

He might reject you or act negative, but at least you’ve opened the door to a good conversation and he’ll remember it later.

Hopefully, you read his signs, unspoken words, and body language to know where your husband’s head is right now. This is important because the stance you take and the answers you give will greatly depend on it.

For example, if your husband shows opposition, anger, coldness, or aggression, then you approach the situation from a place that calms these emotions.

The approach may be different if your husband shows sadness, fear, or extreme anxiety. In this case, you approach him from a place of trust.

What Your Husband Really Means vs. What He Says (Reading Between the Mixed Signals): It is very difficult to believe your husband’s words and take him seriously when he asks for his distance while holding or reassuring you or sending you different signals.

In the end though, most men who say they want a break or break up are trying to say that they have lost a sense of intimacy and intimacy and they don’t know how (or they don’t want to) get it. this. come back

They feel they need a break to figure out these feelings. Now you might not believe it, but sometimes it works to your advantage.

What To Do When Your Husband Asks For A Divorce Even If He Says He Loves You: Basically there are two phases to consider here. Usually, you have a stage where the husband first starts talking about the separation. This is the stage where they are least sure about what they really want and this is where you have the edge.

Honestly, you probably already know what your husband wants. You have done it before to make him fall in love with you. (That’s why he married you.) You know the qualities he’s most attracted to (perhaps attentiveness, sense of humor, easy-going personality, etc.) Now’s your chance to present these qualities again to your husband in a regular way. basis that is not very clear about it.

So instead of being a doormat or surrendering your power, just start showing your husband what attracted him to you in the first place. (Important – you have to play it right, convincingly.)

The second phase is when the husband is sure he wants a separation and has been talking about it for a while or has one foot out the door. This may be dangerous, but please bear with me. The best thing to do here is to look him right in the eye and tell him he’s right. Tell him that you agree that the relationship takes work and that you are eager to work on yourself.

Then, go out, find friends and do those things that make you happy. This will likely increase your husband’s interest and when it does, you will display the qualities he first fell in love with. And, allowing him time to think will always give him time to miss you and realize how much he jumped the gun.

Many times, after a short separation the husband realizes that the grass isn’t really greener on the other side of the fence and comes home, apologizing, and ready to work things out. If he does, meet him with an open heart, but a renewed conviction to keep working on yourself and doing what makes you (and in turn both of you) happy.

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