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Home Matters – Changing What’s Wrong
Are things not going your way in your life or at home? This is a common problem, but where is the answer on how to fix what’s wrong? Almost all our problems start in our own heads. Over the years I have found a way to get to the heart of our problems and find ways to solve them. It all starts with you and your mindset. Follow the 6 steps mentioned here and start making important changes in your life and family.
1. This is the hardest. Don’t believe everything you think now, because you can change what you think. This is what really separates us from the animals–the ability to think about what we think.
Just because you think something is true, it is not true. If you think the world is flat, that doesn’t change the fact that it’s actually round. If I think someone is going to be mad at me, that’s just a reflection of what I’m thinking and really has nothing to do with what anyone else is actually thinking. It is reminiscent of a group of teenagers who are bound by who thinks what and who says what to whom. ” Sally thinks Jake told Ben he likes you.” All of this speculation in no way reflects Jake’s thoughts (or Sally’s or Ben’s for that matter), but only the thoughts of the person speaking. So, when you talk to yourself, be careful to believe everything you think!
2. Ask yourself this question: “What is my struggle?’ Try to put down on paper exactly what is bothering you. Write it down in objective, specific terms. ‘Something is not right at home” may be a gut feeling, but it doesn’t really mean anything and confuses you. Make it specific to you –“I’m tired.” “I don’t have any money.” “I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.”
3. Now, ask yourself, “What brought me here?” Write down everything you can think of that has brought you to this point in your life. This is not a guilt session, this is an open, honest look at your life, your reactions, your assumptions. Some questions to ask yourself to help with this part of the process are–“What am I hearing?” “What did I see?” and above all, “What shall I say to myself?’
Pay particular attention to that last question and take the time you need to honestly and objectively complete this step.
4. The next part will make you look for evidence, or fruits, of your thoughts. Here is the question–“What are the physical, or tangible results or evidence of my thinking?” How do you see your way of thinking reflected in the real world. Be specific.
5. Now is the time to start looking for what you want to see happen in your world. Be sure to write down the answer to this question as well. “How do I want?” Or “What would I like differently?” In this step describe what you want in the clearest details. Use all your senses to describe your desire. It is very important that you see this clearly.
If you go through this step and something inside your head says things like, “That’s not going to happen.” “Don’t dream.” “It’s useless.” Go back to step number one. Your life will change completely, and it starts with your thoughts. Countless people have proven that over thousands of years, and just because you think it’s stupid doesn’t make it happen! Keep going! Battle the mind and start changing everything!
6. After all the work you have done in steps 1-5 now is the time to look for change. Here’s the next important question you need to ask yourself and write down the answers to–“What thoughts and actions align with my new vision?” What are you willing to do to change yourself? These answers may take time and soul searching, but they are worth the effort.
Decide on 3 to 5 things you wrote down that you can start working on right away. Write it down and get started! You won’t be perfect at first, that’s okay, it may take months for real change to come to fruition, but change will come if you keep at it.
I want to tell you about my own experience with these steps and some life changes that came because I did what I told you to do.
Three and a half years ago I landed on my back with a back injury that happened because I was overweight, overworked, and overstressed. My husband and three kids set up a bed in the living room for me so I’m in the middle of things (and because I can’t climb stairs because my back is bad). I could barely walk. I have neglected my health to the point where I am a 5’3″ 178 pound emaciated. I am not used to sitting around and the fact that I have to stay in bed almost drives me crazy. My dear four year old daughter Had to go to a friend for daycare for a week because I couldn’t take care of her. After four days of this misery, lying there, in pain, alone for my children , disappointed with everything that was not done, I began to look at myself, I have not yet explained all these steps, but when I look back I see that I did exactly what I told you.
1. Don’t believe everything you think–I have to take care of everyone else and I don’t have time to take care of myself. Others deserve care, not me. I don’t need help.
2. What is my struggle? I’m sick, I’m fat, I’m not good, I can’t take care of my family.
3. How did I get here? I always take time to take care of others, but not myself. I don’t think I have time to take care of me, and that I can continue like this. I eat junk. I don’t exercise. I sleep late then, I don’t sleep well.
4. What are the physical / tangible results? Here I am, helpless. I can barely take care of myself, let alone others.
I hurt myself to see myself in this situation. Something happened inside me and I said out loud, “I DON’T LIVE THIS WAY ANYMORE!” I think I shocked myself a bit when I heard this loud. And I said it again, louder.
5. What do I want? I closed my eyes and began to imagine running in the yard, playing with my children, without pain. I picture myself, thin, fit, running. I see hiking, swimming–being active. The more I think about it, the more I like it. I’m starting to feel hopeful again. I enjoyed the sight of what I wanted–the smell of the outdoors, the warmth of the sunshine, the fresh air.
6. What thoughts and actions match my new vision? I still need physical therapy. I have to eat healthy food and small portions. When I did, I had to exercise. I had to come up with ways to gain will power. I need to rest. I need to ask for help more often. I need to set aside specific time for me to take care of myself.
I wrote everything down. I still couldn’t get out of bed, but I started saying to myself, “I’m thin, healthy, and beautiful. I take care of me, and I deserve it.” (I still tell myself this after 3 ½ years.)
The next week I started physical therapy. It was a long process, but in a few months I was able to go to the pool. I became more active. I started tracking everything I ate and developed my own system for counting my food. I try new foods. My whole family is ready to help. They help me have time to exercise every day. I lost 25 pounds and feel better than I have in years.
Then a year and a half into my efforts I hit a setback. I’m tired of eating right. I’m tired of my food count. I was discouraged from continuing it. I gained 15 pounds back and saw the scale go back to where it was before. I was in the dumps and thought, “What’s the use?” I wonder what I did? Same thing–I define the problem, look at how I got to this place, look at the results, change my perspective and set new goals. I mixed things up a bit. I started a step aerobics class. I started running a little. I bought a step counter (my secret weapon). I started using a different food counting system so I could take a break from my old one. Basically, I’m doing everything I’ve done before, but reassessing it based on my new circumstances. I lost 15 lbs. I gained back, plus 10 more, for a total of 35 pounds (along with the previous loss). I have 16 pounds to get to where I want to be. My back is almost pain free and last Saturday I spent the day scuba diving with my daughter–something I would never have been able to do 3 years ago.
The steps work! Change your thinking and your perspective and change your life!
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