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How to Set Boundaries With Friends When You’re a People Pleaser

I have a friend (who I am about to break up with) who has the most annoying habit of asking me personal questions in front of other people. He didn’t do it maliciously.

He’s just clueless. I used to get upset inside and felt bad when he asked me questions that were off limits to him or inappropriate to the situation.

I used to think, “This girl has no boundaries” But the truth of the matter is I have no boundaries. I don’t know how to ask my friend what I need – to be respected.

Creating boundaries can be uncomfortable, but liberating. I will give you 3 tips on how to create boundaries with friends so that your friends (and people in general) respect you. Above all, you will learn to respect yourself.

What are Boundaries?

A boundary is a limitation. It is a limit that you set for what is acceptable and what is not acceptable to you. This is your comfort zone. No one can tell you what your comfort zone is or should be. Boundaries are like fences – they keep certain things (people, dogs,) out of your space when you don’t want them there.

What’s Stopping You From Setting Boundaries?

People pleasers. Yuck. What used to hold me back from setting boundaries was the fear of not being liked by others. I have a people pleasing personality, I don’t talk until I get angry. Then, I will completely blow up and isolate the people.

I don’t do that anymore. And neither should you.

Tip #1 – Know Yourself

The only way you can learn to set limits is to know yourself. Make a wish list. Then make a list of what you don’t want. Then write down the things you hate and the things you love.

Your list might include things like: “I hate bullies” or “I love pushy people”. When you know yourself, you are more likely to honor your feelings.

Tip #2 – Consider Your Feelings

Feelings are very important. If you ignore your feelings by pushing them into food, drugs, alcohol, minimizing, denying etc., you lose the ability to take care of yourself. Your feelings are your friend. They say something is wrong (or right).

I used to do everything I could to run from my feelings – until I realized that my feelings are God given and important.

Tip #3 – Pay attention to how your boundaries are accepted

Most people will respect your boundaries. Sometimes, you have to push the boundaries. However, there are some people (bullies) who will try to step on all your boundaries. They will succeed if you let them.

Here’s how to know if you’re in a healthy relationship…

If you set a boundary and your friend repeatedly ignores the boundary or tries to convince you that your boundary is “wrong” or tries to bully you into giving valid reasons for your boundaries, then your friendship is a not good.

I will definitely let my friend know that if she doesn’t respect my boundaries, the friendship should end.

Conclusion

Like anything else in life, setting boundaries takes practice if you want to get good at it. And finally, don’t be afraid to let go of people who don’t respect your boundaries.

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