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Asperger’s Syndrome at Work: Why Small Talk Matters

If you’re like many people with Asperger’s Syndrome, you classify small talk as a meaningless NT (neurotypical) ritual where people waste time talking about silly topics that nobody cares.

However, small talk is actually a critical skill in the workplace. This is the first step in establishing the most important relationships with your partners. Most neurotypicals (which make up the majority of the workforce) place a high value on relationships. That’s why a good relationship with a supervisor and liking a co-worker are often emphasized as factors of job satisfaction.

Sharing a few friendly comments with fellow employees you see in the lunch room or in the elevator sends the message that you consider yourself part of the group. Small talk with your coworkers is the starting point for building friendships and trust.

You don’t really need to like someone to act friendly with them at work. Sometimes small actions can go a long way in establishing your own preferences. For example:

-Greet coworkers you see or interact with in the morning by saying “Good morning” or asking “Hi, how are you?”

-Smile when you greet people or pass them in the hallway. If necessary, practice so that it becomes natural. A person who does not smile is often considered angry or withdrawn.

-Join your colleagues for lunch on a regular basis.

How to Make Small Talk

Small talk is the discussion of general, neutral topics for short periods of time (usually no more than 5 minutes). Neutral topics are things like the weather, traffic, sports, a national news, plans for the weekend, etc. Topics to avoid are those that polarize people (politics, religion, race), make them uncomfortable (sexual topics), or personal observations (weight, clothing, hairstyle, behavior). Negative comments about other employees or the company should also be avoided.

If you don’t follow sports teams or popular television programs, you can still find topics for small talk. Many local news stations have Web sites that provide brief summaries of top stories. It’s an easy way to stay informed about what’s going on in your community.

The point of small talk is to make connections with others. To do this, you need to keep a discussion going for at least two or three turns. If you answer a question or comment with a one-word answer or by saying “I don’t know,” it won’t go any further.

Let’s say you’re in the break room and someone asks if you saw a particular sports program or event. You answer, “No.” Ooops! The conversation is over. Instead, ask a question to express your interest in the other person, such as, “I’ve never seen that program, what is it about?” or “I don’t follow baseball. Do you play?”

Here’s another example that illustrates how small talk can be a bridge to establishing good relationships with your coworkers. Someone asked, “Have you ever been stuck in traffic on Route 66?” Instead of saying “no,” you say, “No, I live in Smithtown so I’m not taking the highway to get here.” Another person replied, “I used to drive to Smithtown when I worked at ACME Widgetworks.” You answer, “I worked at ACME six years ago in the R&D group.” Your new acquaintance says, “I’m in R&D too. Let’s have lunch together this week.”

This type of scenario is not uncommon and can be the start of a productive, long-term business relationship. Even if it feels uncomfortable for you at first, see small talk as an important business skill to practice.

Excerpt from Asperger’s Syndrome Workplace Survival Guide: A Neurotypical’s Secrets for Success© 2010 Barbara Bissonnette, Forward Motion Coaching.

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