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Coping With Difficult People in Your Life – The Uncommunicative Clam
How do you know you’re dealing with an Uncommunicative Clam? Simple. Silence prevailed. You can do most of the talking when you plan to communicate. Clam can be one of the most difficult types of people you will encounter in business and life.
Clams are usually very quiet and unresponsive – they don’t talk. If you ask them, their answers are always, “yes” or “No,” a grunt, or no response. Because of their quiet style, it can be difficult to understand what their lack of response or continued silence really means.
Why do they behave like this? Silence often frustrates other people, so the motive can be calculated passive aggression. Or, a non-committal way of handling stressful situations. You do all the talking or leave. Or, it’s a way of avoiding the facts and downplaying their feelings. Perhaps they feel it is more appropriate to keep their thoughts unspoken.
Here are some ways to cope with Clam:
* Ask open-ended questions that require answers that are more than Yes or No or numbers.
* Use a friendly, quiet look that includes an expectant expression, a small smile, eyebrows raised ad eyes wide open.
* Do not fill the silence, if possible, in your conversation. Use my preferred label, “the pregnant pause.”
* If they remain silent, comment on what happened. “I expected you to say something and you didn’t – what does that mean?” End your comment with an open question.
* Wait about ten seconds (count one thousand, two thousand silently to yourself to ten). Then comment again and wait. You might say, “I was waiting for your reaction and you were silent. How do we get out of this bind?” – the open question again.
* When the Clam says, “Can I go now,” answer: “Not yet, I have other things on my mind.”
* When the Clam says, “I don’t know,” in your questions, say, “What else are you going to tell me?” Wait and wait. If still no reply, use friendly view, wait and last comment, “This meeting seems pointless.”
* Question, “Am I wrong in believing that you are uncomfortable?” or “angry” or “angry” or “angry”? Stop. “Well if you don’t… what’s the problem?”
* If there is still no response, end the meeting and set another specific meeting date.
* If the Clam remains silent, close with a hypothesis and your plan for moving forward: “I thought your silence meant you agreed…” and indicate the steps you will take.
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