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Understanding Love’s True Nature
Since the dawn of homo sapiens, we have been investigating, experiencing, and trying to crack the secret code of love. Many of us seem to forget that in the early days, free love was scarce. From aristocrats to slaves, marriages and relationships were often given as orders and choices by individuals of higher power and authority for political, religious, material and personal gain. Thus, there are many love tragedies in “Romeo and Juliet” and “Abelard and Heloise”, as well as countless others who were carelessly persecuted for their innocent expressions of love. These sad love stories leave many of us confused, why is it so hard to love and what does it feel like to experience that depth of love?
Free will love has made great strides in the 21st century through the evolution of human love experiences, technological advances, and cultural changes. In today’s more liberal societies, people are given the freedom to choose and express their admiration and desires to their loved ones with little or no consequences. However, in societies where we can freely choose whom we want to love, we witness an increase in the divorce rate, a decrease in the marriage rate, and many people delaying marriage for various reasons.
Duality of Love
But even if we follow the “Abelard and Heloise” love model of ‘following one to the end of Hell’ of ‘you’re just one of 100 people I’ve seen and what’s your name again?’, we experience the universal states of pleasure and pain, the companionship, and the ultimate dissolution of love and relationships, no matter how little or how much we love. No matter how much wealth and power one has, one is still subject to the emotional and physical transgressions of others.
So, if we know the final end of any love and relationship, why not continue to love, whether it is in the form of a committed monogamous relationship or sleeping with as many people as possible can? What do we desire in our teens, 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, and until the time of our death? And when we look at our lives, do we regret the times we didn’t try hard, the people we hurt, and the worst of all, we easily let go of that person who awakened our soul, just to eat on. it’s too late.
Joy and pain are the twin brothers of love. We cannot expect one and not the other. We believe that we deserve God-like love and that it is the responsibility of others to make us happy. If we want godly love, then we must put in godly work. If we are not ready to open our hearts to experience judgments, disappointments, and pains to experience love, how can we ask for love that will bring us happiness? If we are not willing to overcome our egos and karmic conditions, how can we show love that gives us meaning? If we are not willing to heal the deepest wounds in our soul, how can we expect to live without pain?
True Nature of Love
Perhaps we can think of ourselves as individuals who come together to help each other learn and master the experiences of love and separation in various forms: commitment, marriage, infidelity, rejection, betrayal , and leaving. Therefore, in the face of repeated failures, disappointments, and pains, we do not give up easily, and we continue to search, learn, and understand the true nature of love. In doing so, we can see beyond the ups and downs of the constant changes in our daily interactions and relationships.
We learned not to waste energy on trivial questions like why he didn’t answer my text or why he stopped calling me. Let’s not doubt our values because the person we love chose someone else and we respect his choice and will. We don’t live the rest of our lives in disappointment and pain because of people’s betrayal. We do not follow the easy path of love that sacrifices others.
If we go beyond our experiences and learned, love is no longer an idea of you, me, him, her, or us. To love is to free us from our pains, fears, regrets, shame, guilt, and delusions, so that we can transcend our limited views of ourselves and what love is.
We can overcome our conditioned desires that dictate our thinking, beliefs, and behavior in relationships. We develop the wisdom and courage to stay true to our hearts and not give in to our fears and pains for short term pleasures and gains.
In experiencing the beginnings and ends of all human love relationships and their accompanying joys and pains, we learn unconditional acceptance, forgiveness, and love.
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