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Asking Vs Telling in the Parent-Child Relationship
Adults are taught to ask their friends, family and co-workers to do things. This is a habit that many parents take home with them. Their socially correct manner of asking other adults to do things is inappropriate in a parent/child relationship.
It might be a little confusing for some, but when a parent asks their child to do something they are told to do it. They only say the command in question form out of habit, or what they consider a polite gesture. Unfortunately, this is not the case. Children who are asked to complete a task they don’t want to do will see it as an opportunity to say no.
Technically, when they are asked to clean their room, they are given the option to say no. Parents often get angry or frustrated when the child exercises their right to refuse. What usually happens is that the parent asks to clean the room. The tone of voice is usually angry or frustrated and the command may be shouted. This is a confusing situation for any child.
Children should be told to do things that parents want. It is not disrespectful for the parent to order or direct the child to complete an activity. A parent’s role is to do that. You can help clear up any confusion by stating your wishes in a matter-of-fact tone. Don’t let the child wonder if your statement is actually a question by using a conflicting tone of voice or facial expression. Of course, it’s a good idea to use please and thank you for giving your directions.
Do you want to learn exactly how to eliminate your child’s out-of-control and rebellious behavior without using Punishments, Time-Ots, Behavioral Plans, or Rewards?
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